“So I uh… woke up this morning and eh it didn’t seem any different that the usual. I headed downstairs to make a little breakfast… and by that I mean swipe whatever breakfast Jean had made for my buddy Scott. When low and behold in the kitchen I see old Doctor Wheels… he was groaning and screaming at me more than usual, and bleeding from the eyes, nose and mouth. It was then I realized that good old Professor Roll about had turned into a zombie. Of course in typical fashion I wet myself immediately and ran away. It was a close call, old Chucky no legs is pretty fast for a crip… I guess I shouldn’t call em no legs, I mean he’s got em they just ain’t worth nuthin. Anyway I made it to the stairs… not all the way up though I mean there’s like 5 flights of stairs in the mansion… I went up 6 steps and started teasing Principal Easy Rider…

Eventually I got bored though, so I headed upstairs to get a shower and get dressed when I ran into a Zombie Logan. That guy was an animal to start so I guess making him a zombie didn’t change much. Instead of calling me bub, he just went uhhhhh… and then came at me. So I did what I always do when confronted with problems. I ran into Scott and Jean’s room and jumped right into bed with em.

That’s normally good for a laugh, but today Scott wasn’t his normal self… I mean him and Jean took a large bite out of my arm… This was the first time that I ever appreciated my powers. Cause I mean it’s valuable to be a little bit stronger than the guy biting off your tricep…

That was about 3 hours ago… I’ve since run into the danger room and huddled in a corner. I also discovered a secondary power through this though, apparently I’m immune to Zombieism… Yeah, way to screw that one up fate, I mean you need give this power to someone brave or smart. Somebody who’ll I dunno save the world by eating some green plants or synthesizing a cure from his blood… Oh man I should have done that. Too late now though, I found a stash of pills from Xavier and I’ll tell you what I ain’t feeling no pain. The world can I end for all I care. I don’t know what drugs Gimps McFeebles M.D. was on but it’s no wonder he can read people’s minds.”

the_tuff_guy

“I realize that there's gotta be almost dozens of people on all these internets and seeing as Scott is the only person who tolerates my presence for more than a few seconds, I'm betting most of you readers don't know a whole lot about the tuff guy... So before we get started, I wanna take a minute or two to let you inside the mind of ole Joey Wheeler...

I'd say I had an alright childhood... I mean uh it coulda been better. Ya see I uh come from humble roots my dad was just a working stiff, who knew the value of a dollar and that brutal beatings would keep his wife and kids in line. So everyday he'd come home from work exhausted, but he always had time for me. Even if it was just a quick jab to the head or a cutting remark about my failings as a son and a man. He made sure that for 32 years I was molded and crafted into the paragon that yous see now. Of course mom gets some of the credit too I guess. I mean she's just a lady, but she hit me twice as often to make up for her lack of upper body strength.

You know I'm not gonna say that I had it too tough I mean there was things I wished I coulda had like a bike, or a bath, or maybe even a friend. I think maybe the regular showers would have brought about a friend or two. Ya see my dad was trying to cut expenses wherever he could, so only two of us was allowed to bathe. Since he brought in all the money he got one of those slots, and since he frequently enjoyed sexual relations with my mother, she got the other one. So understandably the other kids at school were not very kind to me with their words or their actions. I realize now that maybe they was trying to help like when they'd spit on me, or throw food or water on me that maybe they just wanted to help cover up the smell. One of their favorites was to throw a concotion of pudding and vinegar I believe. I think the reason was that not only was it a powerful odor that would overcome the weeks or perhaps months of accumulated stank... but also if it was just pudding I might have eaten and enjoyed it, but vinegar really ruins pudding. I mean try it out sometime. It is nasty. So they made sure that not only did I smell... well not better but different, but also that I remained sad, because I couldn't eat the pudding off of myself... I mean I still tried, but I mean.. nasty.

Ya know all of this thinking about the past.. it's really making me feel pretty morose... I mean I don't know what the doc was thinking, but somehow translating my childhood into text isn't making me feel any better about it. As a matter of fact its making me feel worse about the past and more hopeless about the future... I'm gonna go talk to scott and see if he can help me make sense of all this.”

the_tuff_guy